Facing Ghosts of Christmas Past...
by American Kabuki
Its been a while since I have written an article for my blog. Its not that I haven't written many as I worked through many weeks of emotions, but I kept asking myself the same question, "what do you wish to create?" I've gone through article after article and trashed them all. It wasn't the energy I wish to put out into the world. And it certainly wouldn't change the world for the better. But by expressing it in writing, and then trashing it did serve as a way to quantify what was bothering me and the act of trashing it into the Mac waste bin an act of letting it go. There was value in that even if it didn't have an external audience.
I have no control on what others do. I don't much like the recent drama. Heather has taken it in stride and much more positively than I have. I do have control over what I do and what energy I put into the world as my creation. And pure love is the only valid measure of how well I succeed in doing that.
But recent events it did serve a useful purpose for me. A number of experiences of my journey through life came up for resurfacing that I had thought were long gone and forgotten. I have a low tolerance for betrayal. I do not like friends turning on friends, and calling it courage and moral fortitude. Admittedly that is my perception, and it assumes Heather looks at it that way when in truth she does not. She sees them all only as pure love. Even if they do not see her that way at this moment.
There were some old experiences from the past I had to let go that were being shown to me again by similar circumstances in recent weeks. And they are probably emotions that contributed to my illness in 2008. I left the whole church thing behind in 2009. But apparently parts of the experience lingered.
But as I looked at all that transpired, I see many parallels to a prior experience during the 1990s when I was engaged in movement to reform a religion. And that experience was every bit as intense as this one is. Nothing does separation quite as well as religion. Good boot camp in surviving it. I witnessed loyalties veer right and left of the religious spectrum as people came to see truth, embrace it, and in some cases turn around and run away from it and raise a figurative cross of denial in the face of truth, as if truth were a vampire of darkness there to suck out the life blood of their blind faith and preconceptions from the marrow of their bones. Cognitive dissonance of multiple conflicting beliefs will generate some really bizarre turns of behavior.
GW Hardin helped me a lot during the 1990s. He helped me recognize the value in Oneness consciousness, and how dualistic my thinking of good vs evil really was. What part of a human is good and what part is evil? How do you kill the bad part and leave the good part? Do you kill it or shame it away? Has that ever worked? If they are the creator in flesh, and you are too, where is your standing or mine to judge?